What About Their Legs? They Don't Need Those...

I don't know I'm giving dirty looks until I'm already half way through them. My mum likes to tell me I'm scowling. She uses that term because she reads novels when most people who don't read novels would just use the words 'frown' or 'dirty look'. My mother doesn't read Potter, but JK Rowling uses the word a lot. Anyway, "Uh.. J, you're scowling". Why thank you. Thank you very much.

We're all sitting in Souplantation, aka The Nation, and I'm zoning out. Zoning out is just something I like to do, once I figure out that I'm doing it. It's like vacation. Anyway, I feel a microscopic voice travel toward my mind: "J, are you ever going to get married?" with 'married' being the most prominent, dreaded word of the whole sentence. The question does not register; as I said, I was on vacation, but I did hear that last word. I turn my head slowly, their stares confirming the direction of their speech. They're asking me something. I say, "huh?" doltishly, mouth open, realizing a moment later that my 'huh' was stuffed with disgust. I realize a moment later I was 'SCOWLING'.

The three of them share a titter at my mean and doltish HUH. "How incredibly J of her! How incredibly herSELF of her!" That's what the titters mean. The titters mean that they already knew the answer, but were asking for entertainment. There is no answer to something like that. As I turn my head, ready to resume my vaca, their voices blend into the general clatter and eventual low buzz of the restaurant. "I can't even imagine her being married.... can't imagine her being PREGnant! Blah blah blaah....."

I don't get offended at that sort of thing. If they read this, they'll want to apologize but they won't need to. The fact is, I can't make marriage my long term goal. You can't control that part of your life, you only have a say in half of it. Am I ever going to get married? Not young. Maybe. Maybe not. It does not depend on the act of marriage, it depends on another person. Maybe I'll be one of those "aunts" that travels all the time. Maybe by the time I'm ready, marriage to inanimate objects will be socially acceptable. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

What I do know is that last night, I had one of the best peanut butter & jelly sandwiches of my entire life, and at this second right now, I'm not worried. When you ask me what I'm doing and I tell you 'I'm jumping off a cliff' when really you're watching me as I lazily stand and stir honey into a steaming cup, I'm just kidding. Obviously I'm stirring honey into a steaming cup and not jumping off anything. So don't you worry- grab a pb&j for now, and take this excerpt to decipher however you wish.

"'Then dig a hole in the ground,' said Legolas, 'if that is more after the fashion of your kind. But you must dig swift and deep, if you wish to hide from Orcs.'"