They're Calling You The Barmaid Now

I am inclined to blame everything on dehydration. You're dizzy? It's dehydration. You're hungry? Dehydration. Your left wrist hurts? Dehydration. You just dumped out the entire box of cat litter into the dustbin and poured in a new bag because you didn't feel like scooping through the old stuff? Not an ultimate showcase of my laziness, but dehydration at its worst.
You might wonder why I have to deal with cat litter at all. That's because I'm housesitting at my cousin's house. This is the only house I ever really housesit. It's actually more like pet sitting, since there's a dog, two siamese cats, a bird, a tarantula, a tortoise, and two fish tanks. This time around, however, the dog went with them and the bird is being watched by professional bird watchers.... wha..? Anyway, that's no pity because it probably would have ended up like the bird from Dumb & Dumber if I had to care for it once more. All that meaning I would have beheaded it myself upon hearing it squak. I have a lot of anger right now, you see.
One of the catz, though, is one of the only felines I've ever actually loved. His name is Pierre but everyone calls him Fatty.

So I thought I'd just use this post as a bulletin for certain things I've realized over the past few days.

The first thing I realized is that I hate jazz music. [UPDATE: okay, maybe just free-form jazz is what I hate. Nevertheless, everything was irritating that night!] A bunch of you are probably cursing my lowly refinement in musical preference, but jazz is no good if you're pissed off and trying to sleep after a day where you found out you owed a lot of nonexistent cash. I blame it on the saxophone. There I am, lying in a weirdly shaped U and trying to close my mind, but the unrelenting sax blasting from the other room is impaling my eardrums with rows and rows of pointless and obnoxious notes that blur together to end up sounding like some sort of laser gun from a kitschy 90's video game. This increased my hate for the person blasting it, along with the music itself. I doubt he will ever know who he is, so I won't say "you know who you are."

The second thing I realized is that when I'm getting paid for something, most of the time I'm not doing what I'm getting paid for. An instance would be last Saturday when I was to attend a 5 year old's party dressed as a "hula-girl" to make balloons, orchestrate the limbo, and teach a terrible and probably offensive fake hula dance to twenty small children. However, the larger part of my allotted time had me serving the sunglass-ed/white shorts-ed parents small cups of frozen margarita and seafood appetizers. "Oh, you're getting us drinks now, are you? Can I get another margarita, then?" and "It's so funny.. they're all calling you 'The Barmaid' now!" are both sentences I heard at this party. 'Children's Party Character' is my title, serving alcoholic beverages and getting chummy with the cook is apparently my game. Yes, I finally taught the dance at the very end when the children were out of the pool, but when I got in my car to leave I laughed for a solid 6 minutes before I could actually drive.

The third thing I realized (which is something I must re-realize every time I'm in some sort of Harry Potter line) is that even annoying people enjoy Harry Potter. On Sunday, I saw Half Blood Prince for the fifth time, and four seats away from my air-conditioned movie throne sat a woman with that type of giggle everyone hates. That kind that sounds like a sort of cross between a Furby and a demented Pilsbury Doughboy (not that the Pilsbury Doughboy isn't already demented).

Fourthly, I really do have a twin that was separated from me at birth. One of my besties, Teep, was walking into Target with me. We were in that sort of Target Purgatory, in between both sets of automatic sliding doors. Without so much as a glance toward each other, we both raised our arms, pointed at the doors, and shouted "Alohomora!" Need I say more?

In closing, one of the reasons I love my boyfriend is because he sends me text messages that say things like this:

"zankoku na tenshi no you ni
shounen yo shinwa ni nare!"

In other words, Evangelion theme song lyrics. Bein' a geek gets you points with me.

Hannah, I can't wait to do my assignment! End.