Whose Monkey Arms? My Monkey Arms.

It's often when we are utterly alone that our true selves come out. This is the thought that blossomed in my head last night after it had been knocked silly by the corner of my computer case, skewing my glasses and stinging my eye in the process. How, you might ask, did this computer case charm its way into my eye and a resulting headache? Because, dummy, I was holding it. Frequently, objects left in my grip will somehow find a way to harm me physically, and it's always my own body that betrays me to these injuries. My arms, for instance. My clumsy, swinging, monkey arms.

Now we've gotten that out of the way, I'll just tell you what's happening now. I'm in the kitchen because this is where the food is normally stashed, and my mother is in the other room watching Glee. She's hollering the plot at me as it happens, although I don't watch that show. It's like we have our own television discussion group, but no one is a part of it. What?

So what are you guys going to be for Halloween? It's one of my favorite holidays but I still don't know. I demand original costumes but so far I don't have any planned. Also known as: it's too late. I might as well be a white sheet ghost. Or like years 1-11 of my life: put on an Easter dress and call myself a princess. Torture.

My excuse for those years is, of course, that it was primarily about candy back then. Well, candy is still a substantial part of it. If there's no candy at the party, I'm outta there.

Some of my previous Hallowenic (not a word) exploits have been fun. But that was when I less clumsy, spacey and negligent.

Here is me as Dora the Explorer last year. Yes, I know all the songs. Yes, including the one that goes, "Backpack, backpack. Backpack, backpack... YEAAAAH!" Yes, I did return the Dora Backpack I bought for a full refund after the party. Yes, I'm a bad person.

My friend D and me as the Tweedles (obviously I was Tweedle Dee):

Here I am at my 20th Disney-themed birthday party. Had to have one at some point, y'know.

This was for my friend's superhero birthday party. I was Jubilee from X-Men.

And then here is a picture of me as Link from Zelda. Just kidding, it's my face on Link's body. You would never have figured it out, I know. My cousin Chris did it for me because he knows what types of thing make me really happy. Things that are really, really dumb.