A Biased Sass Toward Bro Culture (and Enough Stereotyping to Last You Through 2010)

Here's how I know I'm mildy OCD. On hurrying into a bathroom stall at Disneyland, pee angrily and nearly fighting its way out of me, I stood in a left-side stall for at least a few seconds deliberating whether or not I should go into a stall on the right side of the bathroom instead. Right is better, my mind argued. But I must pee now, my body bit back. I finally had to force myself not to think and drop my pants like an eager pastor's daughter. It feels so nice to pee, don't you agree?

The truth sucks sometimes, but I can no longer handle bros. Urbandictionary defines the term bro as

a usually white young male, found commonly in places like san bernadino county in california, as well as orange county. always, without exception, drive big lifted trucks, often white. has the name of their crew or whatever in big white letters on their back window (ie, "skin", "metal mulisha"). wear: trucker hats off center, plug earrings, sunglasses, wife beaters or no shirt, sagging dickies shorts, high black socks, skater shoes or those black corduroy slipper things, have a lot of tattoos of things like stars.

"My neighbor is a bro. He's got the lifted loud truck, wears the stuff, and even has a confederate flag hanging from his rearview mirror."

Also:

White trash guys, shitty music (usually the most popular rap, hardcore, and nowadays emo), ugly girlfriends, ugly hair, mouths constantly open, think it's cool to park half on the curb and half off, put Flowmaster exhausts on Nissan hardbodies and Toyota longbeds.

My mother's side of the family consists largely of bros, which is fine since they're my cousins and I'm genetically formatted to love them. There's a bro that frequents my bro-cousin's house, and with an intoxicated red face the other night he tried to make me hug him. Nothing a swift slap in the face won't fix, but then he had the grit to try and make an intelligent statement. "Y'know what I think?" he gurgled, "I think you're scared of people."

"I think I hate people like you," I replied. "Daaaaamn what is wrong with this chick," he said, affronted. My cousins, laughing, responded, "HA HA HA she's always like that, don't worry about it."

So bros aren't the only ones to appear stereotyped, I suppose. A couple weeks ago I went to In & Out with my friend and his friend (who I nicknamed Nate Archibald for looking exactly like a New York prepster.. hi judgmental world) looked at me for a minute before asking, "You're like, an art major, aren't you?" I'm not an art major, but he got his point across. My friend just burst out laughing, which is why I then made him buy my lunch. If people are making fun of you, oftentimes you can get stuff free. Try it sometime.

That same night, a WoW player I had just met sat observing me in a bar. Before long he asked me, "So you're one of those girls who watches anime and reads a lot, huh." WoW players may be introverts, but they sure know how to spot asian-influenced young women. It's also a known fact that WoWers can tell other WoWers simply by looking at them (stereotype #5,437).