Hunched over on my bed this bleak wednesday night, candle burning near me and water jar with a straw keeping it company (even water tastes better out of a straw), saltine crackers never tasted so goddamn delicious. The salt particles on them adorn my agonizing throat with a comfort I can't describe. My mind travels back to those childhood sick times when I'd call out hoarsely to my parents, complaining of the pain, until I was allowed to get up and eat salty tortilla chips for a while until I felt tired again, felt my debt to the sore throat monster was paid in full. My mother would make me gargle with hot salt water as well, which wasn't my favorite part, but I dealt with it in return for these seemingly confidential midnight occurrences. Tonight, I feel a little glum looking back.
My childhood has nightmares written all over it. I remember sitting in the very center of my bed and calling out so desperately for someone to rescue me. Sometimes if I was staying at my grammie's house she would let me get up and sit at the kitchen table with her. She would hand over a small glass dish of peach ice cream, tired eyes looking me over, assessing me, caring for me. Nothing needed to be said; it was enough for both of us to simply stare at each other, me admiring her burgundy night robe and her sitting with her porcelain teacup, uncomplaining.
Perhaps this is what I have to blame for my eternal loyalty to night. Maybe this is why I can never get anything done but for nighttime, why my mind is most acute and active when it's black outside.
Perhaps this is what I have to blame for my eternal loyalty to night. Maybe this is why I can never get anything done but for nighttime, why my mind is most acute and active when it's black outside.
Happy two-thousand-ten, everyone. I've missed you.
6 comments:
i definitely feel there's a strong connection between my nightmares as a child and my insomnia and preference to night today. i think it's an impossible part of anyone's childhood to try to forget or grow out of completely.
your gramsie always sounds like a thoroughly wonderful lady.
Your writing continues to become more beautiful as you push back layers.
You make me wonder about my own trends. About what memories led to this person, up past the time time I should already be waking, finding comfort and beauty in a strangers words.
Come to think of it, my best memories belong to night. Not in a salacious (well, not necessarily!) way, more that people's guard seems to be down.
I had nightmares all the time as a kid. I was scared to go to sleep sometimes out of fear of having a bad dream. not so anymore, thankfully.
feel better.
It's weird, but I don't remember having nightmares as a child; however I'm definitely much more productive at night, in fact I love working during night time, I feel I get more inspired at night..sometimes I stay awake until 4 or 5 in the morning sketching.
Thanks for the comment and hope you have a great 2010!! ✩ ヅ
xoxo
Giovanna
www.bohomarket.blogspot.com
You re-emergence into the atmosphere has made my day a calm and beautiful thing, instead of a cold, ugly photograph of nothing.
I miss you.
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