It's one of those rare days where you decide to reward yourself with starbucks for waking up at 6am, then you try to steal half 'n half from the creamer bar and you pour it all over the counter. You wipe it up and that takes an extra 5 minutes. You wipe it up because you hate it when people don't wipe up their spilt milk. You shouldn't steal I guess when the drink you order doesn't require half 'n half. When all you drink from starbucks is chai tea lattes or tazo earl greys. But for some reason you still want that plastic bottle of half 'n half. To keep for later, to store in the work fridge. You think ahead.
There are some real saucy things flowing naturally out of my mouth lately, and I don't know whether I'm proud or ashamed about the fact that I'm not ashamed of any of them. It's a separated fact, yet ingrained where I know it won't leave and I won't try to dismiss it.
The longer I work in this place, the more I realize that you have to know what you want to be where you want. There are people here who've had the same dreaded monotonous job for 40 years, and yet they're still here complaining that they're here doing their job, when this job is all they know. What did they think about 40 years ago, or 20? Did they plan on being here still, getting paid the same amount of money and mumbling as they sidle around? I always picture myself as someone with a secret. Someone with a plan that'll eventually lead me elsewhere, to someplace that doesn't reek of gloomy and unchanging grind. I'm the one with the secret plan. Did they think the same all those years ago? Or were their minds as empty back then as they appear now in the blinding flourescent light? Empty birdcages with hardly a tiny feather left, squeaking from lack of oil and sometimes swaying woefully.
I often take pictures of my shoes while I'm wearing them.
11 comments:
for some reason i feel confident to say that you won't end up in forty years with the same monotonous job that you thought you'd get out of while you were young and fresh! then again, we are blog friends so what do i know!
oh, and that first pair of shoes is amazing! i had a pair similar, but the dog destroyed them. a shame, really. now i'm on a hunt for a pair of woven loafers (not the best description, but the only way i know how to describe them in my head!)
so at the risk of sounding creepy...
...it really sucks about the timing of our la vida employment! i remember you wrote a spring awakening quote on your cup one day and i thought that was swell. on a similar note, one day i had the idea of asking a question in the beginning of shift and everyone writing their answers on their cups. some of the first categories were "what's your favorite song from the 80's," "what was the best childhood tv show" and so on. i frequently thought, "janet would have a good answer for this."
on a side note, i hope my intoxicated nature at the going away party didn't scare the shit out of you. but, what the hell, being drunk is what going away parties are for! right...?
Maybe there's something in the air, a sass-bug of some kind. The other night at a heavy metal concert at a bar in PB a guy offered me his hand for a shake, and I just stared at it and said "I don't know where that's been."
Heavy metal concert at a bar in PB? Yup, you heard me right.
lityrjuq - that's just nonsense. you can't end a word with a q.
word on the post girlie :)
and i do so love your shoes!
I love your shooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes.
If this was a facebook status, I'd click "Like" on the whole thing. I've felt the same at my job, about having a secret, but I couldn't put it into words like you did. very splendid!
I think you're secret is real.
I always like how your thoughts lead into other thoughts and make me sigh at strange moments.
The photos of your shoes.
Sigh.
1. Those brown shoes are so perf. I've been on the perfect-brown-hip-shoe-hunt forever but they never fit me correctly soooo it continues.
2. We're pretty similar, work-mindset-wise. I like to think that the fact that I'm so dissatisfied with my current job is such a gift because otherwise I would be too comfortable and never be forced to pinpoint exactly what it is I need to do before I die. Temporary. I always say.
I believe you wont end up like that. You're too smart for that, and you have determination to change your life for the better :)
I miss you! Thanks for posting :) I think you're so right! I especially love the part when you say that you have to know what you want to be where you want. I think that's one of the most important thing in someone's life and that's what I call a goal, a dream, something to hope for, something to fight for when you're feeling down. I'm sure you're not going to end up working at the same place for 40 years, you're too creative for that (I know I just know you through blogging but I can tell for your wonderul writing). I love this post! Hope you're having a nice weekend :)
Ps: I LOVE your shoes!
xo
Giovanna
girl. let me tell you. this summer i had that experience when i landed my first full time gig. i was ready to cut back on school and start bringin in more dough right? then i get there and see that i made a HUGE mistake.
people in their 40s/50s who have been working there for years, just talking to me, showing me the ropes. and i keep hearing this pattern in their words...it's a job, at least we have one in this economy, shrug, eh, shrug...
the thing is, it was pretty good money, great benefits, but these folks used to be pilots, engineers, all kinds of awesome stuff and this job? totally not awesome. it's like they were trapped/stuck. like you get used to making the money and can't quit.
well i quit the next day. it was just too enlightening for me to ignore : )
see you soon
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